• What's Your Fragrance Horoscope?

    Everyone deserves to own a perfume that best represents them. A scent that makes people say, "What is that?" when you walk into a room.

    Thanks to our extremely accurate horoscopes, we know which scent is the one for you. Read on and get ready to wow the next person you're trapped in an elevator with.
    Words by Christin Bailey

    Aries: It is said that the olfactory sense is the sense that is most strongly tied to memory, and, sure enough, with one (or a hundred sprays) of Lait de Coco you will be transported far, far away from all the bad decisions you made last night that you didn’t have a chance to wash off before running into work this morning. 

    Taurus: All I am saying is that this month Acai Baie will smell nice to the people you will be trapped in an elevator with. 

    Gemini: The human mind is a supremely sophisticated organ that operates at a level that is far beyond even your own comprehension, and in spite of this (or maybe because of it) you can trick yourself, just like Pavlov’s Dog, into just about anything. My suggestion for an experiment this month is to carry Reves Champagne with you and spritz yourself when anything good happens. Later on down the line when you need to trick yourself (like the dog I mentioned earlier) into believing something good happened, you can just spray it on yourself and that’s that. Tricked. 

    Cancer: You tell yourself that you are reading this blog to find Valentine’s Day gift ideas for other people. Maybe a few birthday presents for the Aquarians and Pisceans in your life. In your heart of hearts, you deeply want to convince yourself that it is true, and yet here you are, reading your own horoscope. Looking for things for yourself. Oh, it’s fine. We all knew where this was leading, with Macaron Rose in your cart—even though you started with the best of intentions. 

    Leo: Let’s get straight to the point, okay? I’m just gonna be honest. You have to buy the Matcha fragrance because nobody else could pull it off. (Of course, it would be fine on nearly anybody, but I’m just appealing to your base vanity.) 

    Virgo: This month, please utilize the profound romantic metaphysical properties of your Rose Quartz fragrance with extreme caution. With five sprays it is at ideal potential but at ten spritzes it is likely to attract amorous bumblebees who, blinded by pure devotion, will insist on making you their leader and living their insect life in service of you. Of course, by all means, if that’s what you want… 

    Libra: Instead of the classic Libra avatar of the traditional scales, this month your representation is less Lady Justice and more… well, imagine a precariously stacked Jenga game that has grown impossibly tall. There is only once piece you can remove and it’s a little bit over the midway mark (the danger zone). You lean in and you can almost feel the tower swaying from your breath and—just trust me when I say the balancing Amethyst will come in handy. 

    Scorpio: They (yes, the inimitable "they") often speak of one of the precepts of chaos theory called "the butterfly effect," which states that every small choice has larger—even immeasurably large—effects. In one timeline the eponymous butterfly flaps its wings setting off a series of events where perfume was never even invented; but, fortunately for you, we’re in the one where that butterfly died on the underside of a rolled newspaper and you can just order Chai Epice online now. 

    Sagittarius: Yes, I already know what you’re going to say if I say a fragrance is great for Valentine’s Day. I’ve heard it from you before: that Valentine’s Day is “fake” and a “ruse to sell chocolate,” that love is little more than a delusion hinged on the same brain chemicals that make it feel good to eat cheesecake, relax in a hot tub, and smell flowers. Well get over it! The chemicals work and you can’t fight them. You’re gonna wear Rose Enfume on Valentine’s Day and baby, you’re gonna love it. 

    Capricorn: Strength is a concept that is often (unfairly) predominantly married to visions of physical prowess and pull up bar abilities, but the fact of the matter is that strength comes in many different forms; from spiritual fortitude to psychic grit—all of these you will need to summon up within yourself to find a way to get away from the starving bear cornering you that woke up early because its hibernation has been disturbed by the dangerous environmental crises brought on by climate change. Listen, I’m not being political—that’s just what the stars say. A spritz of Tiger's Eye directly on the bears retina may help scare it away. 

     Dearest Aquarius (legally every horoscope has to start like this), in a month typically symbolized by the ritualistic gift giving of chocolate it is only the most obvious course of action for you to be wearing a perfume called Creme Vanille. Fortunately this is one time when your transparent contrarianism will be pleasant to all those around you. 

    Pisces: This is going to be a difficult month for you, Pisces. Having to convince people that you deserve a present for not only Valentine’s Day (and God only knows how many Valentine’s you have) but also for your birthday mere weeks later. It will be a tough sell, but a few spritzes of Aura Quartz and its restorative properties will enhance your creative energy to the point where you will have the mental sharpness to run as many grifts as need be. 

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