• Find Your Sign, Find Your Halloween Costume

    We know exactly what you should dress up as this Halloween. Whether you like it or not!
    Words by Christin Bailey

    Aries: Ruled by warrior planet Mars, no costume for an Aries would be complete without the phone number of a lawyer written on your arm in permanent marker. Better safe than sorry!

    Taurus: After spending nine months convincing other people to dress in a group costume, you will unceremoniously show up to the party wearing only your normal clothes and some specious claim that it’s a costume, while saying everything else was too uncomfortable.

    Gemini: A great costume for you would to be the Mothman. The only problem is that you get too scared when you’re Googling and close the tab before the images load and so you haven’t ever figured out what it looks like. 

    Cancer: Your get-up will drastically degrade within minutes of putting it on; leaving heaps of glitter any place you sit, puffs of cotton balls trailing behind you, smears of body paint on any surface you come in contact with, and making everyone who invited you to their party think, “how do all those elements even tie into a ‘mouse’ costume anyway?” 

    Leo: Have fun recreating a photograph of yourself from your childhood so that even when you are in costume you will not have to talk, even momentarily, about anyone or anything but yourself! 

    Virgo: Now is a good time to “dress up” as an ASMR YouTuber as a sort of soft opening trial run testing how your friends would actually respond to you really becoming an ASMR YouTuber. 

    Libra: You will spend hours applying an elaborate face makeup that looks costume-y but does not recall any specific or broad class of characters—fictional, fantastical, or otherwise—and no one will know what you are, except that you do look pretty. But what else matters?

    Scorpio: Listen, it’s time to be true to yourself and to go ahead and press ‘checkout’ on that elaborate Victorian vampire costume from an eBay seller who you think is probably actually a vampire. I’m sure it will be fine that they have your address. 

    Sagittarius: Well, whatever it was gonna be, it was probably a pretty good idea. If only you would have gotten to the store before they sold out of everything except cobwebs and cat ears.

    Capricorn: You will dress up as what was hiding in the darkened hallway that one time. You remember, don’t you? Yes, it was so long ago—before you knew all the things you know now. But can’t you still feel its eyes?

    Aquarius: This Halloween, take your costume cue from the noble duckbill platypus. A marsupial that lays eggs and is poisonous and looks like a weird, flat duck beaver? Nothing in this world has to make sense. Just put on whatever.

    Pisces: It’s hard to imagine that anyone has ever derived even a small amount of joy from ventriloquist dummies, but the world is full of sick people. Maybe someone will like your freaky little puppet costume.

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