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Teen Witch: Spells


Happy Friday the 13th, y'all! A wondrous day of black cats, superstitions and Niall Horan's birthday. The urge to flex our witch fingers on this day is stronger than any other day, even if we actually don't know the first thing about witchcraft. Luckily, there are some books out there that cater to Witchcraft Lite, specifically the book Teen Witch: Wicca for a New Generation.

Since this book was published in 1998, the generation it's talking about is long grown, but that doesn't mean its spells are any less potent. So what if it references CD-roms! That shit is still useful! Make today the day you try out some super handy Teen Witch spells. It'll totally be worth it. —Katie


Spells:


Hot Wheels Spell
This will definitely work!!! Feeling very positive!!!


Rock n Roll Healing Spell
The visual of an angsty teen sitting at the top of a hill, blasting "Evanescence," while rolling rocks down a hill is very soothing to me.


I Love Fluffy Spell
I like that this one is like, "You can definitely heal your dog with magic! (After you take him to the vet!)" Gotta cover all the bases.



Elf Locker Spell
Oh boy, those wacky Locker Elves. We've all had a run-in with them! Will they never learn?


Beach Baby Sun Spell
"I've seen this spell work in 5 minutes, or take up to an hour, depending on weather conditions." So, basically what you've seen is "weather," and this should just be called "The Sky: Sometimes It Has Clouds, Sometimes It Doesn't."


Interlock Internet Spell
"BOOGIES OF THE 'NET BE GONE, BEWARE MY MAGICK CD ROM." This will protect you from 4Chan, guys.


Angel Shopping Spell
WHERE THE HELL HAS MY SHOPPING GUARDIAN ANGEL BEEN ALL THESE YEARS?