Normally when festivals are announced, people are usually able to find at least one band that they'd like to see. That's not the case at the hypothetical Festival In Hell. At Hell Festival, there would be no good bands, only bad bands, and you'd have to watch them all. You wouldn't even like any of them ironically. It would just be flat out awful. There would be no joy or laughter at Hell Festival because, let's face it, it's hell. Heaven Festival is the one that's got all the stellar acts, but god, is it hard to get tickets to that one.—Katie
Creed "My Sacrifice"
Creed will play this over and over and over, even when no one is asking for an encore. They're gonna play this 10 times and then, just when you think they're done, they're gonna play it another 10 times. Scott Stapp's throat will never get sore. The band will never need sleep. And Scream 3, the worst of all the Screams and maybe the one soundtrack that featured Creed, will be playing on loop behind them.
Nickelback "This Afternoon"
Appearing on the main stage every day will be Nickelback. They'll probably only play the deep cuts, so you won't even be able to sing along to whatever nonsense Chad Kroeger is wailing about. Basically, you are everyone in this video, except you won't be having fun and that pool will be filled with tears, not chlorinated water.
Kevin Federline "Lose Control"
Maybe you didn't even know this song existed, but don't worry! At Hell Fest Kevin Federline will be performing "Lose Control" every hour, on the hour. You won't even be able to escape this in the porta potties because they're gonna pipe this shit right on in there.
Crazy Town "Butterfly"
I heard that this year Crazy Town isn't even going to perform, they're just going to plant themselves in the crowd and pop up behind random people to serenade you when you least expect it. You won't be able to run, you won't be able to hide, and every time "Butterfly" plays, an angel will not get its wings, but will instead be imprinted with a tribal tattoo.
Buckcherry "Crazy B*tch"
If you ever attempt to leave the festival grounds, the first five seconds from this song are going to play on a loop until you get your butt back over to that Nickelback stage.
Courtney Stodden "Reality"
Courtney's creepy hubby, Doug Hutchison, will arrange for you to be her hype man on stage and there will be no escaping it.
Daniel Powter "Bad Day"
If you even think about what a bad time you're having, Daniel Powter is going to emerge from behind the water bottle stand and stare intently at you while singing this song. So, you better enjoy yourself.