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Love Is Dead: Heathers

Valentine's Day can be soul-sucking, especially if you're one of the people who don't have a Valentine. Or a cat. Never fear! Heathers is here! After watching this movie you'll be feeling blessed that you don't have to deal with a significant other on this treasured (stupid) romantic holiday. Wouldn't you rather sit at home, alone, rather than risk getting involved with a potential serial killer at a singles bar? Yeah, thought so.—Katie


So, like, here is the new guy at school, and he whips out a gun to terrorize the jocks and Veronica's first impulse is to crush on him? First mistake, Ronnie. First mistake.


Every totally normal guy says shit like this all the time. No need to feel worried at all, especially after he just pulled a gun on some guys in high school. Nothing to see here.


Offering to help Veronica kill one of her annoying best friends with poison? I've been WAIIIT-ing for a guy like you.


Christian Slater as J.D. sounds a lot like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. Should have been your first clue to never get involved with him, Veronica. Although I bet you, dear reader, are feeling pretty good about sitting dateless on the couch right now. You may be alone, but at least there's no chance your bucket of ice cream will snap and murder you.


His mouth is saying "FUCK YOU," but you know in his heart he'd totally still make out with Veronica if she let him. Such is love.


Basically. Veronica better watch out because Bravo is doing a TV series based on Heathers and centered around her daughter, so it looks like she'll be dealing with a whole new breed of whackjobs. The circle of life!