This picture is captioned: "A couple kiss at dawn in a field of litter at the Glastonbury Festival in Somerset." I caption it: "Go home, for the love of god."
If you stand up near the front of the stage, make sure you talk loudly about what's going on, as it's happening. Even better is if you talk about things that aren't related to the music at all. People will be thankful for your running commentary.
Just drink as much as you can.* If you're not screaming at your friends to carry you back to the car so you can go to the Old Country Buffet at 5PM, then you're doing it wrong.
Be The "Freebird" Guy
Yell "Freebird!" after every single song, especially if you think you're doing it ironically and hilariously.
While you're sitting in the middle of a sweaty, writhing mass of people, the best thing you can do is tongue-kiss your significant other. Include a little over-the-clothes action.
Play Annoying Games
Go ahead, keep on hula hooping in the middle of that giant crowd while people are trying to squeeze past you. No one minds.
*Please don't actually do this. You will literally die, you crazy kids.