UO Blog

From Elsewhere

05/17/13 12:00PM

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Arrested Development Superfan Quiz

Oh shit, Vulture made an Arrested Development superfan quiz! You should absolutely spend the next 10 minutes of your life taking this thing. I am, and apparently I'm a terrible AD fan because this shit is super hard and I'm failing it as hard as I fail chemistry tests. See how well you can do! —Katie

From Elsewhere

05/16/13 01:20PM

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The Office: Series Finale

Maybe I'm in the minority, but I am really going to miss The Office. Sure, the middle parts after Michael left were not the show's strongest (Robert California? barf), but after all of the shake-ups and weirdness, it evened itself out again, and I am going to have A Moment when I watch the finale tonight. Although I don't think my dream of Pam and Jim divorcing is going to happen (listen, an amicable divorce for each character to CHASE THEIR DREAMS would have been amazing), I'm sure the finale will still have some surprise moments. In the meantime, let's take a look back at some of the best Office moments. —Katie


Michael Scott on hunting
Pretty much everything out of Michael Scott's mouth on The Office was gold, especially the quicker, throwaway moments. The above clip is right after Michael spent like, a solid 8 hours going back and forth on who to fire. It is hilarious. Plus, he gives us really good life lessons, like, "I am Beyonce, always."


Michael Scott on dating
See? Hilarious! "Hi, I'm Date Mike. Nice to meet me." All he wanted was someone to love. :(


Dwight on the perfect crime
Dwight, you beautiful weirdo. Sadly, Dwight's spin-off about his beet farm didn't get picked up, but we'll still have plenty of OG Dwight moments to remember him by, like his idea of the perfect crime and his weirdest friendship with Pam.


Kelly Kapoor
Thank god Mindy Kaling got her own show because Kelly Kapoor was one of the best side characters on The Office. This day is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s! Without her none of us would know how to use the cayenne pepper diet to look amazing in our bikinis.


Michael and Holly
DID YOU EVER LOVE SOMEBODY SO MUCH IT MADE YOU CRY? Listen, whatever fictional universe Michael and Holly are existing in, I hope they're happy. If Michael Scott makes a cameo on tonight's episode and things are anything less than perfect between this flawless couple, then you can rest assured that I will burn down my television. Pam and Jim divorce? Fine. Michael and Holly divorce? Universe is broken.


Tonight this will be me, constantly refreshing the iTunes sample of James Blunt's "Goodbye My Lover." GOODBYE, MY OFFICE.



From Elsewhere


05/15/13 10:26AM

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Recurring Developments

There were a ton of recurring jokes in Arrested Development, and now the site Recurring Developments can help you keep track of all of them. SCORE. Before you know it you're like, "I didn't realize the 'banner' joke was used so many times!" and then you have an excuse to go back and watch the series for the 100th time. If your roommates find you buried in cookie crumbs and huddled next to Netflix in your bed, you can just tell them you're doing research. Katie love Netflix. —Katie

From New York

05/14/13 04:45PM

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Today Marks 15 Years Since Season Finale of 'Seinfeld'

OMG, just looking at this picture makes me want to cry. It's been 15 years since the season finale of Seinfeld aired, and yet it's still one of the most relevant TV shows that's being reran today. Okay, maybe the clothing is a little different (but not too far off from some of the trends of late, especially those of Elaine's), but the cast, their friendships, and their stories are timeless and will forever be relatable. We've all had out own Seinfeld moments in life, so I'd like to take the time to honor some of those hand-to-face moments with the help of some of my favorite Seinfeldian words. —Ally




Seinfeld was essentially "The Show About Nothing." Following a group of four friends, the show focused on the most mundane and simplest #whitepeopleproblems to ever exist.

Episodes were filled mainly with interactions with strangers, but there were many returning characters, such as neighbors, family members, ex-girlfriends and bosses. These interactions fueled the show, causing dramatic sequences, and putting the group into hysterical situations that you or someone you know have dealt with before.

With each story, a word or phrase would come about to explain the situation at hand. While you might have your own terms in your friendship circle, here are some Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer's best Seinfeldian words and phrases with their meanings (via Wikipedia).

Assman: 1) A Proctologist 2) A person who displays his/her name on vanity license plates

Close Talker: One who speaks to a person at point blank range (usually with both peoples' noses less than a foot away from the other)

Festivus: A made up holiday

Get Out!: What a woman might say to her friends in complete surprise (while at the same time shoving them backwards)


Head-First Parker:A person who tries to pull into a parking space head first as opposed to backing into the space, possibly with the intention of screwing someone else out of the space

Jerk Store: A phrase that is used as part of a put-down by a naive person who can't think of any better put-downs to use

Key Brothers:  Friends who exchange each others' apartment or house keys, with the provisional that they follow the key covenant

Little Kicks: A horrendous dance performed by a seemingly attractive woman, in which she completely turns off coworkers and friends alike

Manzire: A bra created for older men who have excess flab in the upper chest area and give the appearance of having breasts

Mulva: What to call your current girlfriend if you can't remember her name

Pre-Emptive Break-Up: When a man anticipates that his girlfriend is going to break up with him, so he breaks up with her first (so that he can have hand)

The Puffy Shirt: 1) A funny looking white shirt with ruffles in the front, and puffy looking long sleeves, similar to what pirates would wear 2) What to wear when being a guest on a TV talk show

Shrinkage: 1) What happens to a man's genitalia after being in contact with water (especially cold water) 2) What to tell a woman who mistakenly sees a man's genitalia in the shrunken stage, and finds it humorous


Spare A Square: What to ask a person if one happens to be in a public bathroom stall and runs out of toilet paper

Vandelay Industries:  1) A fictitious company which manufactures latex 2) A company which is made up by someone who is out of work and is trying to convince the Department of Unemployment that he/she is being considered for a job with the fictitious company to keep up his/her unemployment benefits

Yada, Yada, Yada:  What a person might say, mid-sentence, to shorten a story to get to the point of a discussion or to hide any incriminating activities

From Los Angeles

05/14/13 10:28AM

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Hilarious People: John Mulaney

Since it's LOLZ month here at the blog, of course we need to talk about stand-up. Whenever I hear someone say that they hate stand-up, I know that they must be a robot. Stand-up is the best! Sure, sucky stand-up is sucky, but good stand-up just leads to laughing, and what's not to like about that? John Mulaney is one of those non-sucky comedians. After watching this clip of his stand-up special New In Town, don't be surprised at how much you find yourself singing, "Because we're Delta airlines, and life is a fucking nightmare!" If you're into what you see, then beg NBC to pick up Mulaney's self-titled show for this fall—the man writes Stefon, so you know it's gonna be good. (Update: His show totally didn't get picked up, damn it!) —Katie

From Elsewhere

05/13/13 01:25PM

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How To Make Hot Ham Water

It's so watery, yet there's a smack of ham to it. Lindsey Bluth of Arrested Development invented this amazing dish and it's been a Bluth household delicacy ever since. But, remember, it's not soup; it's hot ham water! Your family will probably hate it. Here's how to make it anyway! —Hazel


1. Boil a pot of water. 
Water is flavorless and absolutely perfect for this recipe. No other liquid will do. Also, it boils perfectly.


2. Grab some canned ham. 
The hammier, the better...I think. Just plop it right in the water. The ham flavor will make the hot water delicious.

3. Serve up! 
Also known as: "forcing this weird and disgusting dish on friends and family." The only one who will slightly appreciate it will be Buster, but that's to be expected, right?


From Elsewhere

05/13/13 09:30AM

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RiFF RAFF as "Jamie Franko"

Life imitates art imitates life imitating art. It's all just so meta, ya know? —Katie

From London

05/09/13 12:01PM

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Bluth's Banana Stand

It's all happening! Bluth banana stands are becoming a magnificent reality. The Arrested Development promotional banana stand will be popping up in London, LA, and NYC (no Philly? C'MON!), and for a mere $10, you can try your own frozen banana. (Okay, just kidding. They're like $1. But I would actually pay $10.) —Katie
(via Gawker)

From Philadelphia

05/08/13 03:15PM

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Trend: '90s Graphic Tees

Trying to explain the importance and awesomeness of the '90s would involve some kind of thesis-style paper that I have no time or patience to write.  Being a '90s kid automatically excuses any and all laziness we may have (I mean, come on. We grew up watching shows like Beavis and Butthead, listening to the Spice Girls and typing "777 if you like pizza" in AOL chat rooms).  It's no wonder that people want to go back in time and revive the music, movies, TV shows, killer fashion, and overall vibe of the youth.  The '90s was the best decade ever, hands down. If you miss it, or just missed it in general, relive the good times with our graphic tees of some of the most iconic '90s things ever. —Ally

This tee is simple and to the point. 1995 was a good year for OJ Simpson and a terrible one for Deadheads. Welp, at least we were able to use our new Windows 95 to talk about it online.

Kelly Kapowski Tee
Kelly Kapowski was the most popular girl at Bayside in the early '90s. Even though she'd never date a dweeb like you, wearing a shirt with her on it shows some dedication.

90210 Tee
ANOTHER mega babe from the '90s was Brenda Walsh. She went through a lot on during her time on the show, but we still can't help but be pissed about her leaving after season four to go to London. Maybe it was because the New Sunday Trading Laws in 1994 allowed shopping on Sundays in Britain.

I never really listened to Tupac, but apparently there was a big feud between him and...

this guy. Now, any dance party you go to plays a Biggie remix, sparking the "who was better" debate.  Their music may only be played for the next 30 or so years, but the debate will go on forever.

The hip hop group Wu-Tang created the acronym C.R.E.A.M., which you can find tattooed on the inside of many 20-something-year-olds' lips. C.R.E.A.M. stands for "Cash Rules Everything Around Me," but like many other acronyms, certain letters tend to get changed. In this case, the "C": cats, cookie, cake, Channing Tatum... you get the point.

Although the group formed in 1985, they released five albums between 1990 and '98. While googling the band for fun facts for this post, I realized for the first time that Quest Love is not a part of the Tribe. Bummer.

As iconic as this hip hop and comedy duo was, I do not recognize EITHER of them without Kid's hi-top fade. Someone start a "Grow It Back" petition online, please?

In the '90s, MTV was the most important channel on television. It had everything you could ask for in place and more...

MTV had Spring Break.

MTV had music.

No, seriously, MTV had music! It had everything, I promise. I wouldn't lie to you.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective gave us the chance to use the phrase "alllll righty then" after everything our parents told us to do. A life of sarcasm begins.

Ghostbusters was filmed in the '80s, but the cartoon spinoffs from the series featured the loveable, broccoli-fearing character Slimer. He was cool, and a lot of fun to draw in your notebook because he was kind of hard to mess up. All you needed to draw was a big, gloppy mess with a lime green crayon.

Bugs & Taz Throwback Sweatshirt
Cartoons were really, really cool in the '90s. Bugs Bunny and Taz the Tasmanian Devil weren't really part of that crew (except that time they were in Space Jam), but they look so hard in this sweatshirt that it's almost believable. 

Lisa Frank X UO Lips Muscle Tee
Do we really need to tell you again why Lisa Frank was the coolest woman in the world? JUST TRUST US. <3

From Elsewhere

05/08/13 10:50AM

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Comedy Couture: Tobias Funke

Being a never nude is really hard. You ALWAYS have to have something on... preferably jean shorts. In honor of our love for Tobias from Arrested Development, we would like to share with you the secret of getting his signature look. It's really, really difficult to pull off, but we think it's worth a shot (even if it's premature). —Ally



Get the look:

Some round reading glasses left over from your Analrapist days.

Party Mustache
Spending time with your kid is hard, especially when they think you're a jobless loser. Instead of trying to relate to them in order to get some Q.T., dress up like you're their nanny. This involves shaving your facial hair, but trust me, it's worth it. That way, you can keep your kid fooled and still bring out The Man Inside Me (you), with a clip-on mustache at a moment's notice.

Jobless? Loveless? Feeling confused? Join a club for people who feel just as blue as you. You might not end up in the support group you were looking for, but the chance to become an understudy for the Blue Man Group will totally give your ego all the support it needs. You'll just need a lot of body paint—and I mean A LOT. Just be careful touching people/places/things around you.

Urban Renewal Acid-Wash Destroyed Denim Short
Sometimes being a never nude can be overwhelming. People look at you like you're a freak, your own wife makes fun of you and yet at the same time, you have to stay strong and be a good role model for people who suffer from the same insecurities that you do. Want to know my opinion? Hang out with other never nudes and let your cut-offs fly free. Feeling ballsy? Try wearing these.

From Philadelphia


05/06/13 10:53AM

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Comedy Couture: Buster Bluth

Buster Bluth may not have known much about fashion, but that doesn't mean he wasn't stylish. From his button-down shirts to his wire-rimmed glasses, the man exuded style. Don't believe me? Check it out. —Katie





Get the look:


OBEY Beans Polo Shirt
"Hey, brother!"


Rimmed Reader
"In fact, Buster was in Santa Ana, a town six minutes inland from his own, but the combination of losing his glasses and breathing carbon monoxide had impaired Buster's judgment."


Dockers Camo Alpha Khaki
"They're taking me in the army. They didn't think there was enough wrong with me."


Penfield Baker Bucket Hat
"They even touched my Charlie Browns."


Hanging Bike Rack
"Mom told me to stay away from microwaves. And besides, this is gonna be the most bitching fast bike in all of Orange County!"


Dry Erase World Map
"Obviously this blue part here is the land."


F'n Birthday Party Pack
"We have unlimited juice? This party is going to be off the hook!"


Domo Dino Plush Doll
"These are my awards, Mother. From Army."

From Los Angeles

04/30/13 10:28AM

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Arrested Development Premiere

Buzzfeed has pics from the Arrested Development premiere and party, and they are just as glorious as you would imagine. Except for David Cross, who looks like he just stopped by on his way back from the mall? IDK.—Kate

From Elsewhere

04/26/13 09:55AM

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Arrested Development Posters

I hope Army has half a day when Arrested Development premieres on May 26, because boy, we are gonna need time to watch this all in one sitting. —Katie







From Elsewhere

04/25/13 10:57AM

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Joffrey Bieber

Yesssss. Even if you don't watch Game of Throne —which you should, because it has a ton of great things like boobs, dragons, wolves, witches and boobs—you can appreciate Joffrey Bieber. The Tumblr photoshops cruel monkey-abandoner Justin Bieber onto the head of cruel King of Westeros, Joffrey Baratheon. Aside from being almost universally loathed, the two share bright blond locks and boyish good looks. BRB I'll be photoshopping Bieber heads for the rest of the day. 






From Elsewhere

04/23/13 11:54AM

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Jimmy Kimmel at Coachella

This is a really good example of why you should NEVER EVER agree to be interviewed on camera. JUST SAY NO. But I agree with Gawker in that I would absolutely go see Get the Fuck Out of My Pool.—Kate

From Elsewhere

Blake & Steak

04/23/13 09:57AM

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Interview: Blake Anderson

We ran into Blake Anderson and his boo Rachael at Coachella.  Here we get the dirt (or should I say dust?) on who they watched, what they saw, and Blake's number one survival item for the festival.
Interview by Ally Mullen

Introduce yourself to anyone who may not know who you are.
I'm Blake from the wildly successful, incredibly funny, moving and groundbreaking television show, Workaholics.

Who is in your Coachella crew for the weekend?
Chase Money ambassador of Austin, Trash Wang and my boo, Steak.

Earl Sweatshirt selfies!

Where are you staying?
In the backseat of my jeep at a gas station.

Have you ever been to Coachella before? If so, would you ever camp there?
This is my second Coachella, but I'm afraid to camp there though because there are too many gypsies and witchcraft.

What color path are you following?
Uhhh...I'm just gonna say brown?

Who are the top five bands you plan on seeing?
Trash Talk, Descendents, Violent Femmes, Earl, R. Kelly. I'm always tryin' to see R. Kelly.

What brands are you going to be sporting for the weekend?
TEENAGE all day, everyday. Crap shades and a Mishka hat for those sun purposes.

If you had to create a five-item survival guide for Coachella, what would be included in it?
All beer everything

Blake & Steak with future About A Guy, Jeremy Burke

What's the best after party you've gone to and why?
Well we did roll 12 deep to a Red Robin on Sunday and shut that bitch down.

What's the latest you've stayed up so far?
Three hours past my bed time.

How do you deal with your hair in this weather?
I'm trying to come outta the festival with dreads: hand sanitizer and sand.

What's the most ridiculous thing you've seen at the festival?
The amount of butt cheeks this year were staggering. I felt like I could see the tip of every girls' butt cheeks.

What were you doing at exactly 4:20 on 4/20?
I mighta been at Mellowhype... or maybe I was at Jack in the Box? Maybe I was at a bar? Shit, I dunno.

Choose: 

First week or second?
Second weekend. It's way laid back. I think its because everybody's brains have already been fried.

Extreme heat or cold desert nights?
Extreme heat. I don't mind when it's hot, ain't nothin that a cold beer can't fix.

From Philadelphia

04/20/13 06:07PM

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Fun Things to Do While You're High

Marijuana can be a lot of fun.  When you're in the right environment, with the right people, smoking the right weed, the possibilities are endless.  If you're new to the game and don't really know what to do with your now-blurred vision and intense cravings for Cheetos, I've come up with a list of things to do when you're high—because if you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong. —Ally


1. Watch whatever TV marathon is on right now
Whether it's Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Storage Wars, or 24 hours of Law and Order: SVU, watching TV is never a bad idea. Especially when you can watch more than on episode in a row. That way it's like a movie. Kind of. A really, long, drawn out movie where you're not sure how it began or how it's going to end.

2. Listen to really trippy music
I mean, duh. Things sound a lot more intense when you're floating around in the stratosphere. While one of the weirdest songs to listen to ever, stoned or not, is The Polyphonic Spree's 36 and a half minutes long "Long Day," I prefer classic rock, with a lot of guitar solos. Better yet, listen to the music that's used in Guitar Hero and PLAY Guitar Hero. Remember how fun that game is? I wanna play that shit.

3. Make a bunch of Snapchats
Snapchat is the best because you can't go back and edit or delete all of the stupid things you say. Normally that's an awful thing, but with this app, the person who receives your message can't save it (if you're a screen-capper you're going to rot in hell). Plus, you'll probably forget all about it in the morning. GUILT FREE FUN!

4. Go to a playground
Seriously, do it. My fav: the swings. Use those loosey goosey limbs and swing as high as you can possibly go. Watch as the moon and star move closer and further away with every drop and slowly, all your cares in the world will melt away. Do this until you puke.

5. Go internet shopping
Going shopping is so much fun. Going shopping high? A BALL. You can't shop 'til you drop if you're already sitting down. So, take a seat, surf the web, and buy all of those weird things you've had bookmarked for months but were too scared to buy. No, that cat hat won't make you look silly. Yes, your BFF will love your new matching toe rings. Do it! Do it! Do it!

6. Bring out your artsy side
I don't know if you paint, sculpt, dance, draw or doodle, but whatever artsy-ness is inside of you is dying to come out. Just put your hands to work and let them do the thinking. You never know what you're going to come up with. Even if it's just a  drawing on a peice of paper with a caterpillar with the face of a dog, you still made something you never would have before! What an accomplishment! Pat yourself on the back. Good boy.

7. Watch Planet Earth
Talk about oohs and aahs! Plant Earth will blow your mind and have you questioning your pets' motives (are the following you every move? Are they secretly aliens? Just act like you don't see them!). Like, that one episode with the polar bears? Where they come out of hibernation and fall down the snowy hill? AWWMG, brb watching it on YouTube.

8. Talk about space
Start off with a simple, "isn't it crazy that stars are like, looking into the past?" and next thing you know you'll be drafting out plans for a time-space continuum and searching for wormholes in your backyard.

9. Try new food combinations

Seeing as how the munchies make you ravenously hungry and turn your stomach into a bottomless pit, take this time to try combos of your favorite foods to see if they taste good together. Popcorn drizzled with Italian dressing, vanilla wafers dipped in peanut butter, a cereal sandwich with pixie sticks... just think of what you might discover!

10. Give yourself a makeover

What's more fun than trying on crazy colored lipstick and eyeshadow? Guys, I'm speaking to you too. Being stoned is the perfect excuse to go totally awol on your face and make yourself look just as fabulous as the people you see on TV (Mimi, Ru Paul, Lord Disick). I mean, just look how good Shannon Coffey's makeover turned out.

BONUS: Cut your hair

 
Touch your hair... it's fucking weird, right? I don't suggest pulling a Britney and shaving it off, but I do think you should take a cue from Hamish Patterson and try to give yourself a new 'do—or convince a friend to let you do it to them.  I mean, how bad could it be? Plus, hair always grows back (hair grows even after you're dead!).

From Elsewhere


04/08/13 10:21AM

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Best Twilight Zone Episodes to Blow Your Mind

The Twilight Zone is, in my opinion, one of the best shows ever made. Rod Serling was such a motherfucking badass. Even though most of the episodes are over 50 years old at this point, they're still extremely suspenseful, and even kind of horrifying. (You'll see what I mean when I get to "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet," and if you don't agree, you're wrong.) Be careful, though, because once you start watching, you won't be able to stop. —Katie


"To Serve Man"
Some super-friendly aliens come to Earth and absolutely nothing goes wrong! Don't feel stressed out about watching this one at all! NOT. Let's just say the title of the episode ends up being a great "OH SNAP" moment in this one.


"I Shot an Arrow Into the Air"
In this episode, a bunch of spacemen land on a barren asteroid and shit gets nuts. Although if I were an astronaut on a foreign asteroid, I might be a little suspicious that I didn't need to have my space helmet on to breathe, but whatever. The '60s were wacky like that, man.


"The After Hours"
This one involves mannequins, being trapped in a store with mannequins, and possibly interacting with mannequins, so yeah, I'd say it's pretty horrifying.


"Five Characters in Search of an Exit"
If you're a Twilight Zone connoisseur, you can get kind of good at figuring out where the plot-line is going to go, but "Five Characters in Search of an Exit" is still a solid episode with a great "OH SHIT, WHAT IS LIFE" moment.


"The Invaders"
It's times like this that I wish the internet didn't exist (the only time I will ever say that); I feel like everyone knows the plot to "The Invaders" at this point, but if by some miracle you don't, watch it immediately and get ready for your brain to explode. Because it will.


"Nightmare at 20,000 Feet"
LOOK AT HOW HORRIFYING THAT FUCKING GREMLIN IS! I'm sorry, but this episode legitimately terrifies me. William Shatner (yes, that's him) is flying and a GREMLIN taunts him on the wing of an airplane.
Hilarity ensues.

From Los Angeles

04/04/13 12:41PM

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Sublime's "Smoke Two Joints" Performed by the Cast of Degrassi

She was living in a single room with three other individuals.

One of them was male and the other two, well hell the other two were females. 


And further more Susan, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to learn that all four of them habitually smoke marijuana cigarettes. 


REEFERS 


I smoke two joints in the morning, I smoke two joints at night. 

I smoke two joints in the afternoon, It makes me feel all right. 

I smoke two joints in time of peace, And two in time of war. 


I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints, And then I smoke two more. 


Smoke cigarettes till the day she dies.  

Toke a big spliff of some good sensimillia. 

Smoke cigarettes till the day she dies. 

Toke a big spliff of some good sensimillia.


Easy E were ya ever caught slippin?


Daddy he once told me Son you be hard working man.


Momma she once told me Son you do the best you can.

And then one day I met a man who came to me and said,  

“Hard work good, and hard work fine but first take care of Head.”

From Los Angeles

04/04/13 10:43AM

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Arrested Development Returns!

Oh, you thought you were going to do things on Memorial Day, like go camping, have BBQs, hit the beach? WRONG! Fifteen new episodes of Arrested Development will premiere on Netflix on May 26, which means you will probably spend the holiday curled up inside, glued to the TV. Which is exactly where you should be. Oh, Buster, we've missed you so much.—Kate