Urban Outfitters - Blog

05/20/13 01:16PM

What If Spock Were A Stand-Up Comedian?

Boy, I'm super sad I didn't think of this, but Vulture put up this awesome post with the kind of jokes Spock would tell if he were a stand-up comedian. They are so not funny that they're actually hilarious. Read some below, and then click here to read the rest. Vulture is the best. —Katie

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
I am Spock, first commander of the USS Enterprise.
Spock, who?
I have just informed you of that information and it appears you have heard me, as you have repeated my name. I would like to enter this door now.

A rabbi, priest, and a minister walk into a bar …
They each have three to four drinks, as that is the average for human males.

It was hot today.
How hot was it!?
So hot that the onboard temperature gauge read 35 degrees Celsius.

05/17/13 12:00PM

Arrested Development Superfan Quiz

Oh shit, Vulture made an Arrested Development superfan quiz! You should absolutely spend the next 10 minutes of your life taking this thing. I am, and apparently I'm a terrible AD fan because this shit is super hard and I'm failing it as hard as I fail chemistry tests. See how well you can do! —Katie

05/17/13 11:51AM

Diplo Reviews Daft Punk

Diplo reviewed Random Access Memories and... well, I don't know. Did he like it? Did he not like it? I DON'T KNOW HOW HE FEELS! That talking steel guitar video is a very accurate representation of the album, though. —Katie

This is what daft punk album sound like m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=0dTF…— dıpןo (@diplo) May 15, 2013

I think the song with julian casablancas would be better with marky mark walbergs character from boogie nights doing the vocals— dıpןo (@diplo) May 15, 2013

From Philadelphia

05/16/13 01:23PM

What Would Ann Want?

Her? —Katie

What would Ann want?

Eggspress Heart-Shaped Egg Mold
For when she's got a hankering for a romantic mayonegg.

Diament Jewelry For Urban Renewal Vintage Name Bracelet
It doesn't matter that it doesn't say Ann. No one remembers her name anyway.

Anna Sui Rose Body Cream
I'm sure that Egg is a very nice person, but I don't want you spending all your money on diamond cream for her.

Staple Satchel Jersey Baseball Tee
Ann's low center of gravity makes her a great asset to the softball team.

A Hipster Joke Book
...She's really funny.

TLC - CrazySexyCool
She needs something to bring to the record burning party.

05/16/13 01:20PM

The Office: Series Finale

Maybe I'm in the minority, but I am really going to miss The Office. Sure, the middle parts after Michael left were not the show's strongest (Robert California? barf), but after all of the shake-ups and weirdness, it evened itself out again, and I am going to have A Moment when I watch the finale tonight. Although I don't think my dream of Pam and Jim divorcing is going to happen (listen, an amicable divorce for each character to CHASE THEIR DREAMS would have been amazing), I'm sure the finale will still have some surprise moments. In the meantime, let's take a look back at some of the best Office moments. —Katie

Michael Scott on hunting
Pretty much everything out of Michael Scott's mouth on The Office was gold, especially the quicker, throwaway moments. The above clip is right after Michael spent like, a solid 8 hours going back and forth on who to fire. It is hilarious. Plus, he gives us really good life lessons, like, "I am Beyonce, always."

Michael Scott on dating
See? Hilarious! "Hi, I'm Date Mike. Nice to meet me." All he wanted was someone to love. :(

Dwight on the perfect crime
Dwight, you beautiful weirdo. Sadly, Dwight's spin-off about his beet farm didn't get picked up, but we'll still have plenty of OG Dwight moments to remember him by, like his idea of the perfect crime and his weirdest friendship with Pam.

Kelly Kapoor
Thank god Mindy Kaling got her own show because Kelly Kapoor was one of the best side characters on The Office. This day is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s! Without her none of us would know how to use the cayenne pepper diet to look amazing in our bikinis.

Michael and Holly
DID YOU EVER LOVE SOMEBODY SO MUCH IT MADE YOU CRY? Listen, whatever fictional universe Michael and Holly are existing in, I hope they're happy. If Michael Scott makes a cameo on tonight's episode and things are anything less than perfect between this flawless couple, then you can rest assured that I will burn down my television. Pam and Jim divorce? Fine. Michael and Holly divorce? Universe is broken.

Tonight this will be me, constantly refreshing the iTunes sample of James Blunt's "Goodbye My Lover." GOODBYE, MY OFFICE.

05/15/13 10:26AM

Recurring Developments

There were a ton of recurring jokes in Arrested Development, and now the site Recurring Developments can help you keep track of all of them. SCORE. Before you know it you're like, "I didn't realize the 'banner' joke was used so many times!" and then you have an excuse to go back and watch the series for the 100th time. If your roommates find you buried in cookie crumbs and huddled next to Netflix in your bed, you can just tell them you're doing research. Katie love Netflix. —Katie

From Los Angeles

05/15/13 10:07AM

'Whose Line Is It Anyway? Take 2'

Remember how FUNNY Whose Line Is It Anyway? was? (Why did it go off of the air in the first place?) Well, almost a decade later, it's back! Even though improv legends Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie look a bit... older, Wayne Brady hasn't aged at all. But none of that even matters because they're all just as spot on as they were to begin with.

I just want to throw out a special thanks to my parents for a TV and cable so I can watch this show like it never ended. I mean, how could you NOT be excited for the first props round of the season?! For a list of all of the games you forgot about, take a look here, before the start of the new show, titled Whose Line Is It Anyway? Take 2, starts on July 16. (Via Gawker)— Ally

05/14/13 04:45PM

Today Marks 15 Years Since Season Finale of 'Seinfeld'

OMG, just looking at this picture makes me want to cry. It's been 15 years since the season finale of Seinfeld aired, and yet it's still one of the most relevant TV shows that's being reran today. Okay, maybe the clothing is a little different (but not too far off from some of the trends of late, especially those of Elaine's), but the cast, their friendships, and their stories are timeless and will forever be relatable. We've all had out own Seinfeld moments in life, so I'd like to take the time to honor some of those hand-to-face moments with the help of some of my favorite Seinfeldian words. —Ally

Seinfeld was essentially "The Show About Nothing." Following a group of four friends, the show focused on the most mundane and simplest #whitepeopleproblems to ever exist.

Episodes were filled mainly with interactions with strangers, but there were many returning characters, such as neighbors, family members, ex-girlfriends and bosses. These interactions fueled the show, causing dramatic sequences, and putting the group into hysterical situations that you or someone you know have dealt with before.

With each story, a word or phrase would come about to explain the situation at hand. While you might have your own terms in your friendship circle, here are some Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer's best Seinfeldian words and phrases with their meanings (via Wikipedia).

Assman: 1) A Proctologist 2) A person who displays his/her name on vanity license plates

Close Talker: One who speaks to a person at point blank range (usually with both peoples' noses less than a foot away from the other)

Festivus: A made up holiday

Get Out!: What a woman might say to her friends in complete surprise (while at the same time shoving them backwards)

Head-First Parker:A person who tries to pull into a parking space head first as opposed to backing into the space, possibly with the intention of screwing someone else out of the space

Jerk Store: A phrase that is used as part of a put-down by a naive person who can't think of any better put-downs to use

Key Brothers: Friends who exchange each others' apartment or house keys, with the provisional that they follow the key covenant

Little Kicks: A horrendous dance performed by a seemingly attractive woman, in which she completely turns off coworkers and friends alike

Manzire: A bra created for older men who have excess flab in the upper chest area and give the appearance of having breasts

Mulva: What to call your current girlfriend if you can't remember her name

Pre-Emptive Break-Up: When a man anticipates that his girlfriend is going to break up with him, so he breaks up with her first (so that he can have hand)

The Puffy Shirt: 1) A funny looking white shirt with ruffles in the front, and puffy looking long sleeves, similar to what pirates would wear 2) What to wear when being a guest on a TV talk show

Shrinkage: 1) What happens to a man's genitalia after being in contact with water (especially cold water) 2) What to tell a woman who mistakenly sees a man's genitalia in the shrunken stage, and finds it humorous

Spare A Square: What to ask a person if one happens to be in a public bathroom stall and runs out of toilet paper

Vandelay Industries: 1) A fictitious company which manufactures latex 2) A company which is made up by someone who is out of work and is trying to convince the Department of Unemployment that he/she is being considered for a job with the fictitious company to keep up his/her unemployment benefits

Yada, Yada, Yada: What a person might say, mid-sentence, to shorten a story to get to the point of a discussion or to hide any incriminating activities

05/14/13 11:07AM

Comedy Couture: Steve Holt!

You'll never be Steve Holt! but can still try to dress like him. In four simple steps, you can copy the style of the most popular senior in school—three years in a row. We've also included some of Steve Holt!'s most inspirational quotes to get you feeling like you just took a bunch of pills filled with oxygen. —Ally

Get the Steve Holt! look:

Charles & 1/2 Varsity Jacket

"There's no 'I' in win!" —Steve Holt!

Fred Perry Twin Tipped Polo Shirt

"Don't ask can I? Ask I can." —Steve Holt!

Levi's 513 Clouded Tones Jean

"Study hard guys—trust me." —Steve Holt!

adidas Samba Classic Sneaker

"STEVE HOLT!"—Steve Holt!

From Los Angeles

05/14/13 10:28AM

Hilarious People: John Mulaney

Since it's LOLZ month here at the blog, of course we need to talk about stand-up. Whenever I hear someone say that they hate stand-up, I know that they must be a robot. Stand-up is the best! Sure, sucky stand-up is sucky, but good stand-up just leads to laughing, and what's not to like about that? John Mulaney is one of those non-sucky comedians. After watching this clip of his stand-up special New In Town, don't be surprised at how much you find yourself singing, "Because we're Delta airlines, and life is a fucking nightmare!" If you're into what you see, then beg NBC to pick up Mulaney's self-titled show for this fall—the man writes Stefon, so you know it's gonna be good. (Update: His show totally didn't get picked up, damn it!) —Katie

05/13/13 01:25PM

How To Make Hot Ham Water

It's so watery, yet there's a smack of ham to it. Lindsey Bluth of Arrested Development invented this amazing dish and it's been a Bluth household delicacy ever since. But, remember, it's not soup; it's hot ham water! Your family will probably hate it. Here's how to make it anyway! —Hazel

1. Boil a pot of water.

Water is flavorless and absolutely perfect for this recipe. No other liquid will do. Also, it boils perfectly.

2. Grab some canned ham.

The hammier, the better...I think. Just plop it right in the water. The ham flavor will make the hot water delicious.

3. Serve up!

Also known as: "forcing this weird and disgusting dish on friends and family." The only one who will slightly appreciate it will be Buster, but that's to be expected, right?

From Los Angeles

05/13/13 12:27PM

Arrested Development Season 4 Official Trailer

Did Michael actually move to Phoenix? Has Buster had too much juice? Did G.O.B. get a J.O.B.? What does Kitty want now? Who knows. There are so many unanswered questions at this point, but luckily we're just two weeks out from the official premiere of season four of Arrested Development! Now, we have another look inside the new season via this jam-packed trailer. I literally CANNOT wait anymore! I guess I'll just have to watch the other three seasons again, again. —Maddie

05/13/13 09:30AM

RiFF RAFF as "Jamie Franko"

Life imitates art imitates life imitating art. It's all just so meta, ya know? —Katie

05/10/13 01:05PM

Ryan Gosling Won't Eat His Cereal

I know the Internet is all OMG!! RYAN GOSLING!! like, all the time, but I think we can all agree that these Vines are amazing. Grade A entertainment. I'm kind of mad I didn't think of this idea first, but I'm just thankful these blessed little videos exist. Eat the cereal Ryan, just eat it...please? —Hazel

From Philadelphia

05/10/13 12:42PM

What Would Lucille Want?

Lucille Bluth, matriarch of the eternally wacky Bluth family, is a prime example of what you shouldn't do as a parent. Whether she's guzzling vodka, or telling her children how much she doesn't care for GOB, she's always doing exactly the wrong thing. Which makes her a whole lot of fun. Let's take a look at some of Lucille's (probable) must-haves. —Katie

Lucille's Picks:

6oz. Fun Flask
Would it kill her to let some vodka go bad?

Banana Pillow
"I mean, it's one banana, Michael. What could it cost? $10?"

Toasted Coaster
Sometimes all you need in the morning is a vodka rocks... and a piece of toast.

Love: Fries By Love Food Editors
Even though Lucille's system isn't used to curly fries, I have a feeling she could learn to love them if she tried.

Star Wars Print Tee
"Here's some money. Go see a star war."

KeepCup To-Go Cup
A cup with a lid, because if she wanted something your thumb touched, she'd eat the inside of your ear.

Hippies Always Welcome Poster
Okay, except cross out the "always" part because we all know Oscar is the only hippie Lucille would touch with a 10-foot pole.

05/10/13 09:41AM

Textastrophe

Craigslisters beware! Along with maybe getting scammed when posting your number, you might get trolled! I recently found this tumblr called Textastrophe that features texts between a Craigslist seller and a fake buyer. Some are pretty good. See more at the blog Textastrophe —Lorin

05/09/13 12:01PM

Bluth's Banana Stand

It's all happening! Bluth banana stands are becoming a magnificent reality. The Arrested Development promotional banana stand will be popping up in London, LA, and NYC (no Philly? C'MON!), and for a mere $10, you can try your own frozen banana. (Okay, just kidding. They're like $1. But I would actually pay $10.) —Katie
(via Gawker)

05/09/13 10:07AM

Hyperbole and a Half: 2013

Remember Hyperbole and a Half? A couple years back, her blog was it on the internet, mostly because Allie Brosh, the blog's writer, is the most hilarious person ever. But then she started to write a book, and then she got sad, and then we didn't hear from her for almost 2 years... until yesterday. Yesterday Allie posted on her Facebook page for the first time in a gazillion years, and she even put up a post! It's, in her words, a "pre-post" to a sadder post from today called Depression Part 2, but I am welcoming that shit with open arms. The internet is not the internet without crudely drawn MS Paint photos of Allie doing things. If you somehow missed her blog (and all the memes that spawned from it), may I suggest a few entries? Okay! How a Fish Almost Destroyed My Childhood, Dogs Don't Understand Basic Concepts Like Moving, and, of course, This is Why I'll Never be an Adult. (Plus, don't forget you can pre-order her book!) —Katie

05/08/13 05:37PM

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Fight Sacha Baron Cohen on 'Anchorman 2' Set

Good evening. I'm Ally Mullen, and this is what's happening in your world tonight. A Pawnee woman clings to life as she fights The Girlie Show's Liz Lemon and that guy from Borat. There's a few crowbars, some ripped stockings and suits so fine they make Sinatra look like a hobo.

This just in: this is all staged and they are actually just filming a scene for Anchorman 2. Super-duper! I can't wait for this to come out. You stay classy, internet. (via HyperVocal) —Ally

05/08/13 12:51PM

Between Two Ferns/Spring Break Anthem

"Would you ever consider hosting The Oscars? I don't consider what you did at The Oscars hosting The Oscars. Would you ever consider hosting them properly?" Galifianakis is the best. Franco is the best. Lonely Island is the best. They're just all the best. And so good at the internet. —Katie