At some point in your scholastic career you may have been assigned Henry James and thought, "Why are there so many words? Boring! I'm just gonna play my Tamagotchi in class." But James is a master stylist, and reading a scary story is a rare pleasure in the modern world of teen slasher flicks. Plus, this isn't even real book. It's a novella. That's a short novel. Also, it's available as a free ebook, so you have no excuses. Reading is good for you. The story takes place in England back in the day when "cars" were attached to horses, and has all the elements of a classically spooky story: a creepy old mansion, creepy kids, mysterious happenings, etc. I can't tell you what happens because that would ruin it for you, but I swear I read it and liked it. It's kind of like The Others, okay. That's all you get. —Angelo
Ummmm ignore the word lady. You need a satchel bag for your calligraphy, business cards and the book Diving For Sunken Treasures.
Unfortunately, we do not sell a red beret (c'est la vie), so that will be something you need to find on your own. You also need to find an older girl (or use your girlfriend if you have one) to lust over at whatever party you go to. Just follow her around, tell her "Sic Transit Gloria" and try to convince her that you're NOT too young for her to date. It sounds creepy but it I believe in you, and Max does too. Now go out this Halloween and FIND YOUR RUSHMORE!
If there's one thing Wes Anderson's movies are known for, it's their epic "shots from above." In each shot, a brilliant moment is captured with great detail and beauty. It's one of the many tools in his directing that he uses to bring you closer to the characters, and by glimpses of their possessions and surroundings, you find out more and more about them. The shots—some simple, some silly, and some absolutely heartbreaking—are praised by fans and critics alike.
While we may not be able to exactly recreate one of Wes' perfect cinematographic seconds, we can provide you with some products that, when put together, might make you feel for a slight second that you're one of the most beloved characters to ever come out of Mr. Anderson's brain: Richie Tenenbaum from The Royal Tenenbaums. —Ally
It's still October, so here's round two of #HalloweenJams, y'all! I remember Manson talking about how he first got the idea to cover "Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)" while on an ACID trip in Florida. He heard a "slower, meaner" version of the song, sung in his voice.
That drugged out fever dream was later turned into a reality with the help of Nine Inch Nails frontman Trent Reznor's production. The song gained mainstream popularity in 1997 when the horrifying, Dean Karr directed, gore-pop MTV video inspired and scared a generation of URL weirdos.
When I discovered Marilyn Manson, at an age old enough to understand him, it's safe to say he had the power to shift my mind and views drastically, and opened a portal to many dark visions to come. SPOOKY! (Hint: Page 35, entry: December 18th, 1999.)
I will probably be looping this video on repeat on Halloween night, until I become it. DEVIL HORNS EMOJI! ;) —Alex
Neil Young'sTime Fades Away is a noted classic not only as a rare collection of songs, but also as the only Neil album never released on CD (that's okay, though; it's readily available on vinyl, and you have a record player, right?) The album was recorded on tour immediately after Harvestmade Neil a star. Alcoholism, drug overdoses and a continually rotating cast of disgruntled musicians made the tour particularly troublesome for Neil, which many speculate is the reason why he's never wanted the album put out on compact disc.
Despite the context, Time Fades Away is regarded as a top-five Neil Young record, though audiences who had come out to see Neil's folkier Harvest set were supposedly turned off by the previously unheard tracks. The album oscillates unapologetically from classic Crazy Horse — driving blues-rock riffs on tracks like "L.A." and "The Last Dance" — and comparatively naked, slow songs such as "Journey Through the Past" and the perfectly brief "Love in Mind." Track down the album on vinyl, and if your friends don't know what you're talking about, ask your dad. He probably remembers Time Fades Away fondly. —Angelo
Judy Funnie, Doug Funnie's sister on Doug, was dramatic, embarrassed of her family, and determined to make a name for herself in the art world. She probably shouted, "I AM TRYING TO FIND MYSELF, MOM!" more than once. She was awesome.
When I was 14, I didn't really "get" Judy, but once I hit 18 I was like, "Fuckin' Judy, man! She gets me. She gets everything." While her flair for the dramatic tended to overshadow any Real Art she attempted to do, she still ended up being a great example of how once you get to a certain age you're just like "fuck it," and you gotta put on a beret and do what feels right. The nice thing about Judy was that she marched to the beat of her own drum, and didn't take crap from anybody. Sure, she made everyone in her family take on different personas when she started dating an artsy boy from The Moody School, but who hasn't? If I had a little brother, I totally would have tried to dress him up as a butler, too, because STOP EMBARRASSING ME. Plus, she was a total fashionista. Marie Schrader totally jacked her style. —Katie
Get the look:
Coal FLT Beanie When your mom is telling you to take out the trash, you can sigh exasperatedly and pull this down over your eyes. (But then take out the trash, because you don't want to get grounded.)
If you were looking to head into September with some serious chills, then let Marvin serenade you into oblivion. This isolated vocal track from Gaye's Motown classic "I Heard it Through the Grapevine" has deservedly been piling up the listens this week. Throw it on and when some old head is like "They don't make em like they used to," remember this video and be like "Yeah, you're right." —Angelo
Titanic is on Netflix. I repeat, Titanic is on Netflix. This is the most important Netflix addition of our time, people. I want to be like, "Put your hands on me, Netflix," because I'm so happy they did this. The movie won't exist only in our memories because now we'll be able to turn it on whenever we want. If it ever gets removed from Netflix we'll all have to pull out a whistle and be like, "Come back. Come back."
Okay. I'm done.
But seriously, in celebration of this joyous time, please watch my favorite video ever put on the internet: a montage of Titanic scenes set to "Accidentally in Love." —Katie
Maybe one day I'll be able to watch this without cry-laughing, but today is not that day.
No, this isn't a dream... we've brought the much loved Music Mondays back from the dead! With a new format relying fully on music-based websites like SoundCloud, we will be bringing you five awesome tracks every Monday morning to start your week out the way it's supposed to be started: with some awesome fuckin' music! Enjoy the first installment of our zombiefied feature and make sure to check back each Monday for the soundtrack of your week!
Kriget - “He Lives In The Same Forest As Me” The most recent drop from Kriget, hailing from Stockholm, is a lot more accessible than their previous releases—the horns make a great, almost “chugging along” feeling.
After Mos’ recent name change to Yasiin Bey, this track, produced by none other than Kanye West, is a classic nod to the Dilla-esque production of the late ‘90s. This one’s a little different than the newly-released Mannie Fresh team-up “Black Jesus.”
MO - "Waste Of Time (Jungle's OH MO Remix)" There’s not a lot to say about the mysterious artist Jungle, but having released two tracks, with no real information or backing (besides a killer track and a killer remix), this is someone to look out for in the future.
EMTL - "Bind Me (TCTS Remix)" TCTS, aka Sam O’Neil, couldn’t be in a better place at a better time. With the sudden resurgence of “deep-house” driven by acts like Disclosure, there seems to be a house fever among clubs and the internet alike.
Adalita - "All Day Venus" This ‘90s grunge genre has been popular recently, but the vocal hook in “All Day Venus” sticks out like a sore thumb to me. It has the melody of Slowdive and the smoothness of MBV. Definitely on my list of “awesome things that sound like ‘90s shoegaze.”
Do you guys want to know my nightmare? Going to a supposedly awesome summer camp and then getting murdered by a crazed individual because the camp ended up being Jason's mom's revenge. Like, have you seen this Great Horror Campout that is happening in L.A. this weekend? Holy shit! Can't even imagine how fast I would have a heart attack doing something like that. If you're as terrified as I am that you'll wander all willy-nilly into Murderville this summer, here are some foolproof ways to tell that you have, in fact, landed yourself in a horror movie camp instead of the normal, craft-makin' camp you were hoping for. —Katie
1. Hotties If everyone at your camp is totally hot, RUN! No good will come of this! You might be like, "Wow, this is great! We're all going to have a lot of fun, and I'll probably get to make out with a fine hunny." Don't think that. Just hop back in your mom's station wagon, and go on home. Real camp is not this great. Real camp will have that mouth-breather from Hey Arnold! hitting on you, not 1980 Kevin Bacon.
3. A lot of people looking to go have fun in the woods, especially at night NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS IN THE WOODS, YOU SILLY KIDS. Don't fall prey to the lure of a free keg and a good time. Nothing. Good. Happens.
4. Swimming If you're going to camp, just stay away from water in general. Night swimming is especially bad, but even day swimming is pretty risky. Canoes? Forget about it. If there's a lot of all that going on, there's a pretty solid chance you've landed yourself in a horror movie and it's only a matter of time before one of the campers you're bunking with gets themselves dragged to the murky depths of the disgusting lake you're swimming in by some rotting zombie-monster.
5. Decrepit housing In like, every scary camp movie or "cabin in the woods" movie, the main characters always parade happily into a cabin that looks like it's literally held together with popsicle sticks and glue. Are you kidding? Hightail it out of there, you idiots. Why do you want to stay in that spider den anyway?
Remember how FUNNY Whose Line Is It Anyway? was? (Why did it go off of the air in the first place?) Well, almost a decade later, it's back! Even though improv legends Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie look a bit... older, Wayne Brady hasn't aged at all. But none of that even matters because they're all just as spot on as they were to begin with.
I just want to throw out a special thanks to my parents for a TV and cable so I can watch this show like it never ended. I mean, how could you NOT be excited for the first props round of the season?! For a list of all of the games you forgot about, take a look here, before the start of the new show, titled Whose Line Is It Anyway? Take 2, starts on July 16. (Via Gawker)— Ally
OMG, just looking at this picture makes me want to cry. It's been 15 years since the season finale of Seinfeld aired, and yet it's still one of the most relevant TV shows that's being reran today. Okay, maybe the clothing is a little different (but not too far off from some of the trends of late, especially those of Elaine's), but the cast, their friendships, and their stories are timeless and will forever be relatable. We've all had out own Seinfeld moments in life, so I'd like to take the time to honor some of those hand-to-face moments with the help of some of my favorite Seinfeldian words. —Ally
Seinfeld was essentially "The Show About Nothing." Following a group of four friends, the show focused on the most mundane and simplest #whitepeopleproblems to ever exist.
Episodes were filled mainly with interactions with strangers, but there were many returning characters, such as neighbors, family members, ex-girlfriends and bosses. These interactions fueled the show, causing dramatic sequences, and putting the group into hysterical situations that you or someone you know have dealt with before.
With each story, a word or phrase would come about to explain the situation at hand. While you might have your own terms in your friendship circle, here are some Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer's best Seinfeldian words and phrases with their meanings (via Wikipedia).
Assman: 1) A Proctologist 2) A person who displays his/her name on vanity license plates
Close Talker: One who speaks to a person at point blank range (usually with both peoples' noses less than a foot away from the other)
Festivus: A made up holiday
Get Out!: What a woman might say to her friends in complete surprise (while at the same time shoving them backwards)
Head-First Parker:A person who tries to pull into a parking space head first as opposed to backing into the space, possibly with the intention of screwing someone else out of the space
Jerk Store: A phrase that is used as part of a put-down by a naive person who can't think of any better put-downs to use
Key Brothers: Friends who exchange each others' apartment or house keys, with the provisional that they follow the key covenant
Little Kicks: A horrendous dance performed by a seemingly attractive woman, in which she completely turns off coworkers and friends alike
Manzire: A bra created for older men who have excess flab in the upper chest area and give the appearance of having breasts
Mulva: What to call your current girlfriend if you can't remember her name
Pre-Emptive Break-Up: When a man anticipates that his girlfriend is going to break up with him, so he breaks up with her first (so that he can have hand)
The Puffy Shirt: 1) A funny looking white shirt with ruffles in the front, and puffy looking long sleeves, similar to what pirates would wear 2) What to wear when being a guest on a TV talk show
Shrinkage: 1) What happens to a man's genitalia after being in contact with water (especially cold water) 2) What to tell a woman who mistakenly sees a man's genitalia in the shrunken stage, and finds it humorous
Spare A Square: What to ask a person if one happens to be in a public bathroom stall and runs out of toilet paper
Vandelay Industries: 1) A fictitious company which manufactures latex 2) A company which is made up by someone who is out of work and is trying to convince the Department of Unemployment that he/she is being considered for a job with the fictitious company to keep up his/her unemployment benefits
Yada, Yada, Yada: What a person might say, mid-sentence, to shorten a story to get to the point of a discussion or to hide any incriminating activities
So the Daria writers never implicity said that Jane Lane's sexy, older alterna-brother was a pothead, but it was pretty much implied by the sleepy drawl he used to ponder the universe, fight the man and talk about his band (which was called Mystik Spiral; I mean do you need more evidence that that?) Trent was the epitome of '90s alternative, accessorizing his go-to uniform of t-shirt and jeans with a singular necklace, myriad rings, signature wristband and an unwavering dedication to naps.
As a kid Trent was my favorite character, which was maybe indicative of future life choices, but looking back I see that Trent offered some pretty real-shit life advice to Daria and Jane. Damn, now I'm getting all nostalgic and thinking that a 4/20 marathon Daria sesh sounds like it might be the move. —Angelo
Remember how Justin Bieber was wearing that 1994 beanie when he flipped his lid at an English paparazzi? If I bought a beanie like that, I would totally pick 1997 to put on it because that was the best year ever and this video perfectly encapsulates why. Backstreet Boys! Spice Girls! Palm pilots! Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. —Katie
Milla Jovovich played the iconic Michelle Burroughs in 1993's Dazed & Confused, a movie which takes place in 1976. Michelle gave us the run down on how to dress like it's still the 70s without looking like it's Halloween: tight tanks, suede fringe, patched and washed-out denim, and plenty of rad jewelry. In my opinion, she was the coolest girl in school, showin' us what it actually means to have a "free spirit." If only I were that cool in high school... —Maddie
Minnetonka Belize T-Strap Tassel Sandal Did I say suede fringe? I did! Michelle would love these. Although I can't remember that many times she wore shoes in the movie, I'm sure if she had to, she'd pick these.
Remember how funny the internet was back in 2005? Remember "Drinking Out of Cups?" (That was 2006 but it's close enough, so give me a break.) Getting home after a hard day of high school and hopping onto eBaum's World to see what weirdo videos were cool that week was the teenage equivalent of crackin' into a cold one after work. The internet was really on a roll then—YouTube, anyone?—and it was the beginning of a glorious upswing. If you're celebrating 4/20 this month, these sites might even be a little bit funnier than you remembered. (Or if you're not celebrating, there's a good chance you'll be like "WTF am I looking at here and why was everyone on crack in the mid-'00s?")—Katie
YTMND Remember when that guy got tased at some rally? And he called the cops bro? That's the kind of shit YTMND lived for. "Bro Eyed Don't Tase Me" is a true delight, as well as every other ridiculous thing on this site.
eBaum's World eBaum's world was the spot to watch the dubbed GI Joe videos. "I'm a computer, stop all the downloadin'." Another classic from eBaum's world: This cat video.
Homestar Runner Okay, other things on Homestar Runner are hilarious, but Teen Girl Squad is the most hilarious.
Jay and Silent Bob are two of the greatest weed dealers of all time (even if they kinda suck at their job). The duo can be found dancing outside the Quick Stop, hanging at the Eden Prairie Center Mall or road-tripping to New Jersey to stop fallen angels from going back to heaven. Whether the people around them consider them an annoyance, prophets, or the greatest comic book characters of all time, these two dudes are just your normal every-day stoner BFFs with a classic grunge style so on point, you would never know they've been wearing the same clothes since 1994. Want to get their look? Here's how. —Ally
You can also add some flair to your new gear with some pins.
Now, all you need is a little bit of chronic and some beer and you can spend the rest of your night getting blitzed and hanging out with your BFF, trying to pick up chicks (though don't be surprised if you end up hanging out with an orangoutang instead).
Record Store Day is April 20 this year and the list with all of the exclusive releases is finally out. There's going to be a lot of cool shit released this year (I'm personally excited for the Pornography 7" because I will forever back any weird punk outfit that Ryan Adams is behind), so make sure you head out and support your local record stores when RSD rolls around. Vinyl forever, bitches. —Katie
Sometimes you just want to read a book that will let you feel like you're getting to experience a new place. Whether that's through a road trip plot, a character traveling, or just an excellent setting is up to you. Here's a short list of books to check out if you're feeling particularly wanderlust-y lately. Since I'm terrible at summarizing books in a legitimate way, I pulled each description off of Amazon for you guys, and if you click the picture, you'll go straight to the Amazon link so you can load up your cart with brain-strengthening tomes. Look how easy I made reading for you! Do it!—Katie
On The Road Jack Kerouac [BECAUSE DUH] "On the Road chronicles Jack Kerouac's years traveling the North American continent with his friend Neal Cassady, 'a sideburned hero of the snowy West.' As 'Sal Paradise' and 'Dean Moriarty', the two roam the country in a quest for self-knowledge and experience. Kerouac's love of America, his compassion for humanity, and his sense of language as jazz combine to make On the Road an inspirational work of lasting importance."
Blue Highways William Least-Heat Moon
"Hailed as a masterpiece of American travel writing, Blue Highways is an unforgettable journey along our nation's backroads. William Least Heat-Moon set out with little more than the need to put home behind him and a sense of curiosity about 'those little towns that get on the map-if they get on at all-only because some cartographer has a blank space to fill: Remote, Oregon; Simplicity, Virginia; New Freedom, Pennsylvania; New Hope, Tennessee; Why, Arizona; Whynot, Mississippi.' His adventures, his discoveries, and his recollections of the extraordinary people he encountered along the way amount to a revelation of the true American experience."
America Is in the HeartCarlos Bulosan "First published in 1946, this autobiography of the well-known Filipino poet describes his boyhood in the Philippines, his voyage to America, and his years of hardship and despair as an itinerant laborer following the harvest trail in the rural West."
An Abundance of Katherines John Green "When it comes to relationships, Colin Singleton’s type is girls named Katherine. And when it comes to girls named Katherine, Colin is always getting dumped. Nineteen times, to be exact. On a road trip miles from home, this anagram-happy, washed-up child prodigy has ten thousand dollars in his pocket, a bloodthirsty feral hog on his trail, and an overweight, Judge Judy–loving best friend riding shotgun—but no Katherines. Colin is on a mission to prove The Theorem of Underlying Katherine Predictability, which he hopes will predict the future of any relationship, avenge Dumpees everywhere, and finally win him the girl. Love, friendship, and a dead Austro-Hungarian archduke add up to surprising and heart-changing conclusions in this ingeniously layered comic novel about reinventing oneself."
Killing Yourself to Live Chuck Klosterman
"For 6,557 miles, Chuck Klosterman thought about dying. He drove a rental car from New York to Rhode Island to Georgia to Mississippi to Iowa to Minneapolis to Fargo to Seattle, and he chased death and rock 'n' roll all the way. Within the span of twenty-one days, Chuck had three relationships end -- one by choice, one by chance, and one by exhaustion. He snorted cocaine in a graveyard. He walked a half-mile through a bean field. A man in Dickinson, North Dakota, explained to him why we have fewer windmills than we used to. He listened to the KISS solo albums and the Rod Stewart box set. At one point, poisonous snakes became involved. The road is hard. From the Chelsea Hotel to the swampland where Lynyrd Skynyrd's plane went down to the site where Kurt Cobain blew his head off, Chuck explored every brand of rock star demise. He wanted to know why the greatest career move any musician can make is to stop breathing...and what this means for the rest of us."
A Suitable Boy Vikram Seth "Vikram Seth's novel is, at its core, a love story: Lata and her mother, Mrs. Rupa Mehra, are both trying to find -- through love or through exacting maternal appraisal -- a suitable boy for Lata to marry. Set in the early 1950s, in an India newly independent and struggling through a time of crisis, A Suitable Boy takes us into the richly imagined world of four large extended families and spins a compulsively readable tale of their lives and loves. A sweeping panoramic portrait of a complex, multiethnic society in flux, A Suitable Boy remains the story of ordinary people caught up in a web of love and ambition, humor and sadness, prejudice and reconciliation, the most delicate social etiquette and the most appalling violence."