UO Blog

From Elsewhere

How To Choose A Summer Camp

Do you guys want to know my nightmare? Going to a supposedly awesome summer camp and then getting murdered by a crazed individual because the camp ended up being Jason's mom's revenge. Like, have you seen this Great Horror Campout that is happening in L.A. this weekend? Holy shit! Can't even imagine how fast I would have a heart attack doing something like that. If you're as terrified as I am that you'll wander all willy-nilly into Murderville this summer, here are some foolproof ways to tell that you have, in fact, landed yourself in a horror movie camp instead of the normal, craft-makin' camp you were hoping for. —Katie


1. Hotties
If everyone at your camp is totally hot, RUN! No good will come of this! You might be like, "Wow, this is great! We're all going to have a lot of fun, and I'll probably get to make out with a fine hunny." Don't think that. Just hop back in your mom's station wagon, and go on home. Real camp is not this great. Real camp will have that mouth-breather from Hey Arnold! hitting on you, not 1980 Kevin Bacon.


2. Making out with aforementioned hotties
Duh. No one ever gets to really make out at camp. If you do, you're most certainly going to get a noose put around your neck, or you'll be getting ready to make out and then you'll realize that something wet is dripping on you from the top bunk and it's your bunkmate's blood and then you'll get your head cut off. Seriously, unless you're wrapping yourself in a robe and calling it a night at 9 PM, you better get out of that camp. And fast.


3. A lot of people looking to go have fun in the woods, especially at night
NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS IN THE WOODS, YOU SILLY KIDS. Don't fall prey to the lure of a free keg and a good time. Nothing. Good. Happens.


4. Swimming
If you're going to camp, just stay away from water in general. Night swimming is especially bad, but even day swimming is pretty risky. Canoes? Forget about it. If there's a lot of all that going on, there's a pretty solid chance you've landed yourself in a horror movie and it's only a matter of time before one of the campers you're bunking with gets themselves dragged to the murky depths of the disgusting lake you're swimming in by some rotting zombie-monster.


5. Decrepit housing
In like, every scary camp movie or "cabin in the woods" movie, the main characters always parade happily into a cabin that looks like it's literally held together with popsicle sticks and glue. Are you kidding? Hightail it out of there, you idiots. Why do you want to stay in that spider den anyway?

From Los Angeles

'Whose Line Is It Anyway? Take 2'

Remember how FUNNY Whose Line Is It Anyway? was? (Why did it go off of the air in the first place?) Well, almost a decade later, it's back! Even though improv legends Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie look a bit... older, Wayne Brady hasn't aged at all. But none of that even matters because they're all just as spot on as they were to begin with. 


I just want to throw out a special thanks to my parents for a TV and cable so I can watch this show like it never ended. I mean, how could you NOT be excited for the first props round of the season?! For a list of all of the games you forgot about, take a look here, before the start of the new show, titled Whose Line Is It Anyway? Take 2, starts on July 16. (Via Gawker)— Ally

From New York

Today Marks 15 Years Since Season Finale of 'Seinfeld'

OMG, just looking at this picture makes me want to cry. It's been 15 years since the season finale of Seinfeld aired, and yet it's still one of the most relevant TV shows that's being reran today. Okay, maybe the clothing is a little different (but not too far off from some of the trends of late, especially those of Elaine's), but the cast, their friendships, and their stories are timeless and will forever be relatable. We've all had out own Seinfeld moments in life, so I'd like to take the time to honor some of those hand-to-face moments with the help of some of my favorite Seinfeldian words. —Ally




Seinfeld was essentially "The Show About Nothing." Following a group of four friends, the show focused on the most mundane and simplest #whitepeopleproblems to ever exist.

Episodes were filled mainly with interactions with strangers, but there were many returning characters, such as neighbors, family members, ex-girlfriends and bosses. These interactions fueled the show, causing dramatic sequences, and putting the group into hysterical situations that you or someone you know have dealt with before.

With each story, a word or phrase would come about to explain the situation at hand. While you might have your own terms in your friendship circle, here are some Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer's best Seinfeldian words and phrases with their meanings (via Wikipedia).

Assman: 1) A Proctologist 2) A person who displays his/her name on vanity license plates

Close Talker: One who speaks to a person at point blank range (usually with both peoples' noses less than a foot away from the other)

Festivus: A made up holiday

Get Out!: What a woman might say to her friends in complete surprise (while at the same time shoving them backwards)


Head-First Parker:A person who tries to pull into a parking space head first as opposed to backing into the space, possibly with the intention of screwing someone else out of the space

Jerk Store: A phrase that is used as part of a put-down by a naive person who can't think of any better put-downs to use

Key Brothers:  Friends who exchange each others' apartment or house keys, with the provisional that they follow the key covenant

Little Kicks: A horrendous dance performed by a seemingly attractive woman, in which she completely turns off coworkers and friends alike

Manzire: A bra created for older men who have excess flab in the upper chest area and give the appearance of having breasts

Mulva: What to call your current girlfriend if you can't remember her name

Pre-Emptive Break-Up: When a man anticipates that his girlfriend is going to break up with him, so he breaks up with her first (so that he can have hand)

The Puffy Shirt: 1) A funny looking white shirt with ruffles in the front, and puffy looking long sleeves, similar to what pirates would wear 2) What to wear when being a guest on a TV talk show

Shrinkage: 1) What happens to a man's genitalia after being in contact with water (especially cold water) 2) What to tell a woman who mistakenly sees a man's genitalia in the shrunken stage, and finds it humorous


Spare A Square: What to ask a person if one happens to be in a public bathroom stall and runs out of toilet paper

Vandelay Industries:  1) A fictitious company which manufactures latex 2) A company which is made up by someone who is out of work and is trying to convince the Department of Unemployment that he/she is being considered for a job with the fictitious company to keep up his/her unemployment benefits

Yada, Yada, Yada:  What a person might say, mid-sentence, to shorten a story to get to the point of a discussion or to hide any incriminating activities

From Los Angeles

Stoner Style: Trent Lane

So the Daria writers never implicity said that Jane Lane's sexy, older alterna-brother was a pothead, but it was pretty much implied by the sleepy drawl he used to ponder the universe, fight the man and talk about his band (which was called Mystik Spiral; I mean do you need more evidence that that?) Trent was the epitome of '90s alternative, accessorizing his go-to uniform of t-shirt and jeans with a singular necklace, myriad rings, signature wristband and an unwavering dedication to naps.

As a kid Trent was my favorite character, which was maybe indicative of future life choices, but looking back I see that Trent offered some pretty real-shit life advice to Daria and Jane.  Damn, now I'm getting all nostalgic and thinking that a 4/20 marathon Daria sesh sounds like it might be the move. Angelo 







Get the look:


BDG PE V-Neck Tee


Cheap Monday Narrow Hold Grey Jean


UO Rubberized Risky Sunglasses


OBEY Ship Off Necklace


OBEY Craftsmen Ring


OBEY Mesa Ring

From Elsewhere


(via Mashable)

Remember 1997

Remember how Justin Bieber was wearing that 1994 beanie when he flipped his lid at an English paparazzi? If I bought a beanie like that, I would totally pick 1997 to put on it because that was the best year ever and this video perfectly encapsulates why. Backstreet Boys! Spice Girls! Palm pilots! Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. —Katie

From Elsewhere


Stoner Style: Milla Jovovich in Dazed & Confused

Milla Jovovich played the iconic Michelle Burroughs in 1993's Dazed & Confused, a movie which takes place in 1976. Michelle gave us the run down on how to dress like it's still the 70s without looking like it's Halloween: tight tanks, suede fringe, patched and washed-out denim, and plenty of rad jewelry. In my opinion, she was the coolest girl in school, showin' us what it actually means to have a "free spirit." If only I were that cool in high school... Maddie





Get the look:


Sparkle & Fade Laser-Cut Cropped Tank
Obviously, this easy tank will go great under all of your fringed vests.


BLANKNYC Super Bell Bottom Jean
Perfect pair of washed out denim bells to put a million flower power patches on.


Ecote Alamo Mixed Lace Vest
Well, this vest has fringe, so why wouldn't Michelle like it?


Roped Stone Ring
A nice turquoise and silver ring to go with your already awesome collection.


Ecote Whip Stitch Geo Bead Belt
Saddle brown beaded leather belt. It does not get any more 1970s than that!


Minnetonka Belize T-Strap Tassel Sandal
Did I say suede fringe? I did! Michelle would love these. Although I can't remember that many times she wore shoes in the movie, I'm sure if she had to, she'd pick these.

From Elsewhere


Internet Humor

Remember how funny the internet was back in 2005? Remember "Drinking Out of Cups?" (That was 2006 but it's close enough, so give me a break.) Getting home after a hard day of high school and hopping onto eBaum's World to see what weirdo videos were cool that week was the teenage equivalent of crackin' into a cold one after work. The internet was really on a roll then—YouTube, anyone?—and it was the beginning of a glorious upswing. If you're celebrating 4/20 this month, these sites might even be a little bit funnier than you remembered. (Or if you're not celebrating, there's a good chance you'll be like "WTF am I looking at here and why was everyone on crack in the mid-'00s?") —Katie


YTMND
Remember when that guy got tased at some rally? And he called the cops bro? That's the kind of shit YTMND lived for. "Bro Eyed Don't Tase Me" is a true delight, as well as every other ridiculous thing on this site.


eBaum's World
eBaum's world was the spot to watch the dubbed GI Joe videos. "I'm a computer, stop all the downloadin'." Another classic from eBaum's world: This cat video.


Homestar Runner
Okay, other things on Homestar Runner are hilarious, but Teen Girl Squad is the most hilarious.


Badger Badger Badger
It's pretty special that this website still exists. Bless the internet.

From Los Angeles

Sublime's "Smoke Two Joints" Performed by the Cast of Degrassi

She was living in a single room with three other individuals.

One of them was male and the other two, well hell the other two were females. 


And further more Susan, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to learn that all four of them habitually smoke marijuana cigarettes. 


REEFERS 


I smoke two joints in the morning, I smoke two joints at night. 

I smoke two joints in the afternoon, It makes me feel all right. 

I smoke two joints in time of peace, And two in time of war. 


I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints, And then I smoke two more. 


Smoke cigarettes till the day she dies.  

Toke a big spliff of some good sensimillia. 

Smoke cigarettes till the day she dies. 

Toke a big spliff of some good sensimillia.


Easy E were ya ever caught slippin?


Daddy he once told me Son you be hard working man.


Momma she once told me Son you do the best you can.

And then one day I met a man who came to me and said,  

“Hard work good, and hard work fine but first take care of Head.”

From Elsewhere

Stoner Style: Jay & Silent Bob

Jay and Silent Bob are two of the greatest weed dealers of all time (even if they kinda suck at their job).  The duo can be found dancing outside the Quick Stop, hanging at the Eden Prairie Center Mall or road-tripping to New Jersey to stop fallen angels from going back to heaven.  Whether the people around them consider them an annoyance, prophets, or the greatest comic book characters of all time, these two dudes are just your normal every-day stoner BFFs with a classic grunge style so on point, you would never know they've been wearing the same clothes since 1994. Want to get their look? Here's how. —Ally


First, you'll need to start out with Jay and Silent Bob's signature hats. For Bob, wear a backwards hat (preferably all black or a dirty "off white" snapback).

For Jay, a beanie with some kind of weird word or phrase embroidered on it will work. I'd go with "Snoogans."

Yeah, so what if extensions are usually for girls.  That doesn't mean you guys can't try them out to in honor of Bluntman and Chronic! Plus, your hats will cover up them up. 

 


Both guys wear a lot of layers, but their coats are the most important. Bob always wears his long trench (something we don't sell, but this parka is close enough).

Jay tens to wear waterproof jackets and parkas with grey zip-up hoodies underneath. We have a feeling he'd dig this jacket, with the whole rebellious yet religious theme.



Baggy blue jeans for Bob...

And an old pair of sweat pants for Jay. 

For either guy, an all-black skater style shoe will do the trick.

A Litte Extra:

Lasonic i-931 BT Boombox Wireless Speaker
After you have the right pants and shoes, add a boom box. You know, to dance to.  You never know when Prince might come on the radio...


Superstar Lipline Debut Lip Balm
Sorry Bob, we don't sell cigarettes. Luckily for Jay, we DO sell chapstick.

You can also add some flair to your new gear with some pins.

Now, all you need is a little bit of chronic and some beer and you can spend the rest of your night getting blitzed and hanging out with your BFF, trying to pick up chicks (though don't be surprised if you end up hanging out with an orangoutang instead).

From Elsewhere

Record Store Day Releases

Record Store Day is April 20 this year and the list with all of the exclusive releases is finally out. There's going to be a lot of cool shit released this year (I'm personally excited for the Pornography 7" because I will forever back any weird punk outfit that Ryan Adams is behind), so make sure you head out and support your local record stores when RSD rolls around. Vinyl forever, bitches. —Katie


From Elsewhere


Books About Travel

Sometimes you just want to read a book that will let you feel like you're getting to experience a new place. Whether that's through a road trip plot, a character traveling, or just an excellent setting is up to you. Here's a short list of books to check out if you're feeling particularly wanderlust-y lately. Since I'm terrible at summarizing books in a legitimate way, I pulled each description off of Amazon for you guys, and if you click the picture, you'll go straight to the Amazon link so you can load up your cart with brain-strengthening tomes. Look how easy I made reading for you! Do it!—Katie



On The Road Jack Kerouac [BECAUSE DUH]
"On the Road chronicles Jack Kerouac's years traveling the North American continent with his friend Neal Cassady, 'a sideburned hero of the snowy West.' As 'Sal Paradise' and 'Dean Moriarty', the two roam the country in a quest for self-knowledge and experience. Kerouac's love of America, his compassion for humanity, and his sense of language as jazz combine to make On the Road an inspirational work of lasting importance."


Blue Highways William Least-Heat Moon

"Hailed as a masterpiece of American travel writing, Blue Highways is an unforgettable journey along our nation's backroads. William Least Heat-Moon set out with little more than the need to put home behind him and a sense of curiosity about 'those little towns that get on the map-if they get on at all-only because some cartographer has a blank space to fill: Remote, Oregon; Simplicity, Virginia; New Freedom, Pennsylvania; New Hope, Tennessee; Why, Arizona; Whynot, Mississippi.' His adventures, his discoveries, and his recollections of the extraordinary people he encountered along the way amount to a revelation of the true American experience."


America Is in the Heart Carlos Bulosan
"First published in 1946, this autobiography of the well-known Filipino poet describes his boyhood in the Philippines, his voyage to America, and his years of hardship and despair as an itinerant laborer following the harvest trail in the rural West."



An Abundance of Katherines John Green
"When it comes to relationships, Colin Singleton’s type is girls named Katherine. And when it comes to girls named Katherine, Colin is always getting dumped. Nineteen times, to be exact. On a road trip miles from home, this anagram-happy, washed-up child prodigy has ten thousand dollars in his pocket, a bloodthirsty feral hog on his trail, and an overweight, Judge Judy–loving best friend riding shotgun—but no Katherines. Colin is on a mission to prove The Theorem of Underlying Katherine Predictability, which he hopes will predict the future of any relationship, avenge Dumpees everywhere, and finally win him the girl. Love, friendship, and a dead Austro-Hungarian archduke add up to surprising and heart-changing conclusions in this ingeniously layered comic novel about reinventing oneself."


Killing Yourself to Live Chuck Klosterman
"For 6,557 miles, Chuck Klosterman thought about dying. He drove a rental car from New York to Rhode Island to Georgia to Mississippi to Iowa to Minneapolis to Fargo to Seattle, and he chased death and rock 'n' roll all the way. Within the span of twenty-one days, Chuck had three relationships end -- one by choice, one by chance, and one by exhaustion. He snorted cocaine in a graveyard. He walked a half-mile through a bean field. A man in Dickinson, North Dakota, explained to him why we have fewer windmills than we used to. He listened to the KISS solo albums and the Rod Stewart box set. At one point, poisonous snakes became involved. The road is hard. From the Chelsea Hotel to the swampland where Lynyrd Skynyrd's plane went down to the site where Kurt Cobain blew his head off, Chuck explored every brand of rock star demise. He wanted to know why the greatest career move any musician can make is to stop breathing...and what this means for the rest of us."



A Suitable Boy Vikram Seth
"Vikram Seth's novel is, at its core, a love story: Lata and her mother, Mrs. Rupa Mehra, are both trying to find -- through love or through exacting maternal appraisal -- a suitable boy for Lata to marry. Set in the early 1950s, in an India newly independent and struggling through a time of crisis, A Suitable Boy takes us into the richly imagined world of four large extended families and spins a compulsively readable tale of their lives and loves. A sweeping panoramic portrait of a complex, multiethnic society in flux, A Suitable Boy remains the story of ordinary people caught up in a web of love and ambition, humor and sadness, prejudice and reconciliation, the most delicate social etiquette and the most appalling violence."



From Los Angeles

The Postal Service "A Tattered Line of String"

The Postal Service is back with this Wes Anderson style, shot-from-above video for their new song, "A Tattered Line of String." Listening to Ben Gibbard and Jenny Lewis sing over electronica brings me back to those high school nights where we would bake out my mom's minivan and cruise around the neighborhood.  HOLY CRAP THAT WAS 10 YEARS AGO? BRB, watching old Postal Service videos and crying about my age. -Ally

From Portland

Natalie Portman in Leon: The Professional

Natalie Portman solidified her legacy as a bad bitch somewhere around the time she shaved her head, and in doing so, inspired the name of one of my favorite Seattle bands: Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head. But NP has been the real deal since her feature film debut in 1994’s Leon: The Professional, in which she played a 12-year-old girl taking up residence, and embarking on a journey of revenge, with the assassin Leon after seeing her family murdered. The film is a bit unsettling at times (I must be old if I feel compelled to note that) but it’s French so it’s totally okay. Get into it for the style rather than the gratuitous violence you’ll still be satisfied. With her signature choker, MA-1 bomber jacket, floral printed shorts and skirts, and ankle boots with scrunched socks, Natalie’s Leon look is just as legit in 2013 as it was in 94.—Angelo

 

Leon in his standard assassin-ing uniform: Scully, round glasses, and his apprentice's interpretation of the look.

Military vintage is always in and it doesn't get more classic than the bomber, which originated in the 1950s. 

This old lady is just dope. Check out that quilted jacket. 

Get the look:

MariaFrancescaPepe Studded Rope Necklace

BDG Quilted Bomber Jacket

BDG Erin High-Rise Denim Short - Printed

H By Hudson Buckle-Wrap Ankle Boot

From Philadelphia

Girl Power: It's Ladies Night

If the '80s launched hip-hop, then the '90s launched the female-rapper. Here's a legion of ladies who didn't take shit from anybody, wore whatever they wanted and who should definitely be on the soundtrack for your next girl's night out.—Kate 


TLC: Yes, what about your friends? T-Boz, Left Eye and Chili knew that central essence of girl power is being there for your girls, and also wearing really awesome poufy hats or occasionally silky pajamas. 

Lil Kim: Before Lil Kim jumped on the plastic surgery bandwagon, she was a seriously cute Biggie Smalls' protege with a dirty mouth and a penchant for pasties. The color scheme alone in this video is enough to make it a classic. 

Da Brat: Sadly, not many people seem to remember Da Brat, even though she was the first female rapper to have a platinum-selling album. This video is just amazing, from her motocross suit to riding the hood of a semi-truck like the total bad-ass that she was. 


Missy Elliot: The combo of Missy and Timbaland is unstoppable. Just watch this video, and you'll instantly understand where Nicki Minaj got pretty much her entire act. Also, music video budgets in the '90s were apparently HUGE.

Ladies Night: And finally, here is where it all comes together. What girl from the '90s doesn't remember "It's ladies night what/Must be Angie on the mic"? And then Angie Martinez went on to have hits such as...um... Anyways, the scuba-diving scene in this vid is my favorite. Can you imagine sitting on a beach, and Lil Kim comes up out of the water wearing flippers? No.

An Homage to Claire Danes

Claire Danes is a badass. She won a Golden Globe at 15 for her astute crying skills in the seminal '90s teen drama My So-Called Life, dipped from the show to pursue her career but basically fell off the map for 15 years, only to return with two more Globes and an Emmy for her astute crying skills on the equally incredible and infuriating CIA drama Homeland.  Here, let's take a look at how it all began. -Angelo

I’ve been charging through My So-Called Life on Netflix and losing my shit over some of the '90s style (a ton of plaid, florals and flannel) and the killer soundtrack (Sonic Youth, The Lemonheads—you get the vibe.)

Danes’ Angela Chase, with her signature JanSport slung over one shoulder (don’t go one-shoulder, kids, it’s bad for your back) leads the core foursome of: the wild—and let’s face it, the bomb.com—Rayanne; Rickie, one of the first gay teen characters on TV, who had a definite In Living Color groove to his wardrobe; and a young Jared Leto as Angela’s illiterate love interest.

 

Whether you’re an old-head tripping down memory lane or discovering the show for the first time, the short-lived but much-loved My So-Called Life packs enough oversized layering inspiration to get you through this cruel winter.

From New York


Girl Power: The Girlfriends of Seinfeld

If Jerry’s string of girlfriends is anything to go by, a sense of humor really hooks the ladies (well, it certainly wasn’t those high-waisted jeans, the poufy mullet or fear of commitment, now was it?). In fact, Seinfeld proved quite the launching pad for TV’s blue chip babes. Here, we pay tribute to Jerry’s little black book. -Natalie


Jane Leeves (who later went on to find fame as Frasier’s housekeeper, Daphne) makes her first appearance as the sweet virgin Maria who gets schooled in sex by Elaine, only to become embroiled the next episode in Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine’s quest to become “masters of their domain.”

Before she taught us The Bend and Snap, Jennifer Coolidge played a masseuse who refuses to give Jerry a massage, meanwhile attracting the obsessive attention of George.


Terri Hatcher (looking flawless in a skin-tight bodysuit and 501s) had her assets questioned when Jerry suspected her breasts were fake. All together now: "By the way, they’re real and they’re spectacular."


Courtney Cox gets caught out when she poses as Jerry’s wife in order to take advantage of his dry cleaning discount.


Janeane Garofalo (who made it as far as fiancé status) gets the boot when Jerry discovers they’re eerily alike.


Sex and the City’s Charlotte York would never be caught with such a doofus, but as Seinfeld’s girlfriend Jenna, Kristin Davis winds up using a toothbrush that, unbeknownst to her, Jerry accidentally dropped down the toilet. Ewww.


Amanda Peet plays a demanding waitress who briefly dates Jerry during the Summer of George, while Marcia Cross was chastised by Seinfeld for popping her pimples. Speaking of George Costanza, his girlfriends deserve and honorable mention (in fact, he clocked up 43 lady friends over the course of nine seasons), including Megan Mullally, Maggie Wheeler, and—who can forget?—Marisa Tomei, playing herself.

From Elsewhere

Got It Together: Johnny Cash

Johnny Cash was notorious for having run-ins with the law, a prescription pill problem, and relationship troubles, but by the end of his life, he had sort of gotten it together. While he had drug problems for most of his life, his marriage to June Carter in 1968 helped tame his wild ways, and they remained married until their deaths in 2003. They died months apart from one another, sort of like an edgier, more fucked up movie version of The Notebook. Even though things weren't perfect, Cash put out some great stuff in the months before his death, and proved that he still had a lot to offer. If you feel like dying a little bit today, check out his video for "Hurt" and then weep over it with me.—Katie


From London


Jeremy Scott Smile

Linda Farrow Sunglasses

I know it's only January, but with festival season almost upon us, you know what that means: it's time to start stocking up on all of the essential 2013 accessories.  Where better to start than with  Linda Farrow?  Browser-window-shop until your peepers pop out, then order the perfect pair of sunnies to cover up your now-empty eye sockets.  No one will even know they're missing—they'll just think you're this super cool, sunglasses-wearing babe on Molly, swaying along to the music and hanging onto strangers for fun!—Ally



From Philadelphia

Get It Together: Dressing Like A Grown-Up

We asked Arthur, our Men's Senior Corporate Merchandiser, 'How do I dress like a grown-up without being boring?' Seeing as how he has a beautiful girlfriend, an adorable puppy, a picture perfect house and is one of the best dressed people we know, we thought he'd be more than qualified to answer.

Interview by Kate Williams


[This is Arthur. Look how grown-up and cool he looks! This look screams, "Trust me, I know my shit."]

How should a suit fit?

The most important fit is the shoulders. The shoulder seams should land at the apex shoulder bone. As an illustration, if you were standing next to a wall, and slowly moving closer to it, your bicep should touch the wall before the shoulder of the suit does.

Some other signs of a good fitting suit include at least a ½” of shirt cuff showing out of the jacket sleeve when your arms are at your side and that the fabric doesn’t pull too much in the chest (a little is ok) when you button the front buttons. Remember: never button the bottom button!


As for details like the length of the jacket body, the width of the lapels, darts, pockets, the amount of padding in the shoulders, where the vent(s) are located, etc. are all a matter of taste and fashion. There are traditions that dictate all of these details but my general advice here is the more expensive the suit, the more the traditions should be followed.

Dressing the Man: Mastering the Art of Permanent Fashion by Alan Flusser is the definitive book on this subject.

If you can only afford one suit, what color should it be?
Navy blue is somber enough to wear to a funeral, cheerful enough to wear to a wedding, and complex enough to be taken seriously in a board meeting. Charcoal is a good second choice. Avoid light gray, brown, or black unless you already have the first two, and avoid stripes/patterns unless you really know what you are doing.

[When it comes to navy suits, Lord Disick knows exactly what he's doing.]

How do you pick out a tie?

When worn with a suit or a sport coat, the width of the tie should relate to the width of the lapel (i.e. if the widest part of the lapel is 3” then the widest part of the tie should be between 2 ¾” and 3 ¼”) but matching the width exactly is a little predicable so some variance shows that you’re not trying too hard. As far as color and pattern go, I would recommend the tie be lighter than the suit, but darker than the shirt. Avoid repp ties (bias striped ties) unless you know what they mean (for example a navy and orange striped tie means you went to Princton). Most ties are silk, but wool or cotton can be worn in winter and summer respectively.

What about bolo ties?

Hell yes. Don’t forget the matching silver collar points.

[BOLO is like the new YOLO, man. Image via NaughtyPig Studios]

How often can I wear the same thing in one week?

It depends on the item. Something like a suit or a pair of classic dress shoes can be worn everyday (though eventually you may want to add to the rotation), and a new pair of raw selvedge jeans are almost expected to be worn everyday (without washing) for a couple of months. But other than that, basic items like oxford shirts, tee shirts, and chinos can be worn every other day with out anybody noticing. Generally speaking, the more memorable the item, the less frequently it should be worn (unless you want to be known as “the red pants guy/girl” or whatever).

What's an accessory I can wear that will make me see more mature?
A “Life Alert” necklace. Or just a wristwatch (for men and women). Either/or. Up to you.


I'm a guy who hates everything but sneakers. How do I find non-offensive dress shoes?
Honestly, When it comes to dress shoes vs sneakers, you pretty much have to man up, take the plunge into adulthood, and wear a grown ass man’s shoes. I recommend a classic cap toe blucher or oxford in black or burgundy. Avoid square-toed shoes.

What's one thing every guy should have in his closet?
A blue oxford shirt.

What's one thing every girl should have in her closet?
Her ex-boyfriend’s blue oxford shirt.

[Hmmm, whose shirt could this be?]

For guys and girls, what should be 'investment pieces' and what can be bought on the cheap?
As your personal style develops you will find yourself wearing some things more than others, and over time these things would be the best candidates for investment pieces. I recommend buying the affordable version of something first, and over time (if they work for you) “buy up” to investment status replacing items as you go. The only items I can really recommend as investment pieces right out of the gate are a decent suit, good jeans, good dress shoes, a good daily handbag/briefcase, and a decent raincoat. Everything else can be scaled to fit your budget.

What are a couple of things that are totally inappropriate to wear when you're over 25 (ie, tutus, unless you're a ballerina)?
Chunky skate shoes, face paint, cut off shorts when the pocket bags come out of the bottom, side boob shirts, neon anything, fedoras, anything with a kitten on it. These all go for guys and girls.

Oops! Looks like I didn't make it home last night! Do I call in sick, or is there a way to salvage this mini-dress and heels and make it office-appropriate?
Maybe… Borrow/steal one of his button downs or sweaters and toss it over the dress.

[Muahaha, your boss will never even know! Okay, you will probably end up looking a little more like this, but at least you tried.]

Woo-hoo! Casual Friday! That means I can wear my fraternity T-shirt and these flip-flops, right?
Shit yeah brah.

I got a neck tattoo. Am I screwed?

Totally, unless you're the creative director for a major fashion company. In the meantime,  here’s an application for McDonalds.

What are some general style tips you have:
• Be honest with yourself and own your measurements. The foundation of style is fit; everything else is secondary. This means learning what looks best on you regardless of your size.
• Try and wear things that you feel represent your lifestyle, your interests, your heritage, colors you like, etc. this is called “keeping it real”. Trying too hard or following some trend you have no real connection with also has a name; “poseur.” Trust me when I say people can tell that you don’t have a “Native spirit-space Gypsy-Gothic French-witch" all at the same time background.

[What? No! I always dress like this. My dad's like, two percent Cherokee and my mom was born in France.]

• Avoid looking costume by not dressing head to toe in the same style. Mix dressed up with dressed down, cheap with expensive, old with new. Be a little unpredictable.
• Lastly, “Wear the clothes, don’t let them wear you”. This means confidence is king, and ultimately you can feel good in anything you wear as long as you believe in yourself. Duh.

Can you pick out a few items for our readers to get them started on their new grown-up (but still cool) look?

For the ladies:










Converse Chuck Taylor All Star High-Top Sneaker

And for the guys:


Salt Valley Brofalo Flannel Western Shirt

Hawkings McGill Latihera Gingham Shirt


Unbranded Tapered 15 Oz Selvedge Jean



Spiewak Samuel Fishtail Parka



Florsheim Limited Veblen Longwing Shoe

From Philadelphia

Dressed To Kill

New years celebrations are upon us and I haven't got a stitch to wear.. well, a tuxedo at least. I confess that the only time I had a new years event fancy enough to attend in a tux I had to borrow it from my father. To boost your confidence in sporting a tuxedo I offer generations of Bond men who seem to make it look oh so easy. At top we've got the Bond of today Daniel Craig in the new Skyfall, take note of the baller watch just peeking out of the cuff.


Let's take it back a little bit to the days of Sean Connery, my personal favorite Bond actor. Pictured here in 1964's Goldfinger Mr. Connery sports a classic off-white jacket with a red carnation. Also notice the pleated shirt in contrast to Craig's more minimal and modern shirt without any sort of embellishment.

In between those two we had Pierce Brosnan with his first Bond movie Goldeneye in '95 seen above with the lovely Natalya. Brosnan's tux style here is a bit more traditional with a big ole bow and a puffed up pocket square. Not nearly as streamlined as Daniel Craig's tuxedo but still, the man looks sharp and he even gets the girl. -Bob